How To Find Love In The Time Of Tinder (Psst! It Is Possible)

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Two things you NEED to know.

As I was preparing my thoughts when invited to speak to an audience of young women on the topic “Modern Love in the Time of Tinder” I pondered on what those attending that afternoon might actually mean by “modern love” in the first place.

Many of them might even ask the question, “What is love?”

Perhaps I am old fashioned, but when it comes to dating and mating, surely love is love!

But it’s not that simple, is it? 

Only a few decades ago, going on a date was special. Before the advent of the internet, it usually required quite some courage for a guy to approach a gal and ask her out.

Given it was likely that she would be someone in his neighborhood or workplace, he risked the embarrassment of being knocked back.

While women flirted, they were less likely to make the first move. All the pressure was on the guy, and she was left a little helpless.

As it could be a long time between drinks, both usually tried to make a good impression. Sex was something likely to be taken slowly, given the potential risks to one’s reputation and the possibility of conception.

These days, however, things have changed!

Regardless of our sex or sexual preference, if we are looking to meet that “special someone” we only need to put some info about ourselves on dating sites online — or tap details into our phones  —  and almost immediately we are likely to have many possible dates to consider.

If our overtures are rejected, there need be no embarrassment, even if we are disappointed.

While it is much easier to make contact with many potential partners and to date using technology … and either one can readily make the first move … it seems more challenging nowadays to develop a real relationship.

But it’s highly possible that, even with all this opportunity, you keep having dates that look promising but end up nowhere.

This can be very disappointing, especially if you are a woman who has met a guy on Tinder that you found attractive, enjoyed sex with him early on that stimulated your bonding hormones, and then never heard from him again.

You’re not alone if you feel like your encounters of modern love in today’s time of Tinder have also been disappointing.

Maybe you, too, have enjoyed the pleasure of a number of ‘hot’ dates — modern love? — only to have the person concerned cease contact.

However, whatever the outcome, that failure is not the responsibility of the dating site or Tinder.

If your aim is to enjoy more than a casual affair, I suggest that you mention in your profile that you’d like to develop a Tinder friendship that could lead to something more.

Rather than blame the technology for your experiencing brief encounters with sex top of mind, you can take responsibility for your outcome by making it very clear that casual sex isn’t what you are seeking.

There’s a secret ingredient to love: Friendship.

I found it interesting that no one in the audience on the day of my talk mentioned friendship as something that they sought when connecting.

Yet, in reality, no matter how or where we meet, a relationship that is to be founded on real, lasting love (rather than instant attraction or short-term sex) is likely to be one that develops and flourishes over time as we get to know and appreciate each other … even if this before or beyond the first flush of chemistry that leads to love!

Yes, anyone looking for love today can search for — and connect with — countless potential partners through the likes of Tinder or numerous dating sites.

So be sure that, in these times of Tinder, you are clear in your profile what you’re really looking for. And don’t overlook the importance of friendship in favor of hot sex early on.

Like to know more? Visit Yvonne Allen’s website or discover her eBooks on Amazon.

Some dos and don’ts when dating a woman with a career!

A successful woman

As a matchmaker I have often heard single men say that they find it difficult to know if a woman who works in a business or professional role is interested or available…even after a first date. It seems that the supposedly innate flirting response has gone missing! Unfortunately, this is not surprising given that these days many women who have demanding careers conceal their softer, more feminine attributes as they strive to achieve.

When you have an initial date with a woman with a demanding career, I strongly recommend avoiding conversations to do with her work…it will prevent her from relaxing. Topics of conversations about common interests such as travel, movies, sport or music can help you to both to be at ease.  Activities such as visiting an art gallery after a morning coffee then sharing lunch,  or walking in the botanical gardens or along a beach while chatting can help to bring her feminine self to the fore.

If you arrange to meet after work, be aware that the demands of her day may have left her stressed and needing to unwind. Talking about topics unrelated to work over a glass of wine or dinner will help her to enjoy the moment and boost her feel good hormones!

Be aware that the tendency these days for women to focus ‘as if a man’ can conceal feminine attributes that you can help to flourish as you get to know each other. It is worthwhile having a second date unless there is no likelihood of friendship which is the basis of any potential relationship.

Don’t assume she isn’t interested in seeing you again unless she says so.

Do focus on enjoying being in the present.

Don’t look for what is missing at the outset

If you have enjoyed your time together, do let her know that you will contact her within a few days …and do so!

 

Are you happy? If not, cheer up – it’s great for your health!

Are You Happy

Over recent years I have had the good fortune to attend a number of Happiness and its Causes conferences now held in Australia annually.  As on previous occasions, the presentations, events and activities this year were informative and the general atmosphere really motivating and uplifting.

Below are some significant results from research provided by Lyubomirski and King based in the US who have written several papers  that provide a convincing rationale for us to look on the sunny side of life no matter how grey the day…..

Happy people…

Are more productive at work and more creative

Make more money and have superior jobs

Are better leaders and negotiators

Are more likely to marry and to have fulfilling marriages, and less likely to divorce

Have more friends and social support

Have stronger immune systems, are physically healthier, and even live longer

Are more helpful and philanthropic

Cope better with stress and trauma

Having a positive approach to life regardless of the challenges is likely to help boost your health, wealth and happiness!

 

Challenges women have in the dating scene today

Challenges

Once upon a time – only decades ago – most women assumed they’d marry…and did. These days, in the western world, a gal can achieve in most areas of life that were once the preserve of the male. Given the appropriate education and experience she can fly to the moon, head large corporations or lead her country. However, for many millions of women who want to attract and keep their Mr Right, the chances of doing so are increasingly bleak.

As a woman who founded my consultancy in Australia in 1976 for discerning singles seeking a partner, I have been in an unusual position to both witness and experience many of the  ever increasing challenges women with careers can have finding – and keeping – love. It seems that the more a woman focuses on achieving, the harder it can be for her to attract her ‘Mr Right’. All too often the stress of a demanding work role, often combined with a long list of expectations re the man she seeks – including that he be at least as successful as she is – can leave her on a crowded shelf.

It would seem that most guys do not have nearly as many items on their wish list re a potential partner. For many it is important that she is intelligent, he finds her attractive and that she makes him feel like her man. Unfortunately, in order to achieve, many a woman today does not readily reveal her more vulnerable, softer self – the femininity that for millennia has attracted the ‘protector’ and ‘provider’ in a man.

Alas, all too often, the Mr Right a woman seeks is not looking for her!

 

 

Challenges men encounter in the dating scene today.

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There is no doubt that relating to the female of the species can be confusing for guys when it comes to dating…and vice versa!

Some observations I have provided to an international blog site re why dating can be so confusing and disappointing for both sexes today…

  • These days the supposedly innate flirting complex seems to have gone missing! Guys often say they don’t know whether to approach a woman. It seems many women develop a protective persona that conceals their more feminine and vulnerable self in the workplace – and beyond.
  • It is not surprising that men can often lose interest if a woman they’ve started dating texts or calls too often…their brains has evolved over millennia to assist them to focus on a task and to be ‘the hunter’. While a woman’s hormones may drive her to want to communicate and connect, a man is likely to be more aware of his feelings through missing her than constant contact.
  • Single women aware of their biological clock ticking often raise the issue of their desire to have a child during the first few dates – even when they know from his profile a man’s views re having children.   This is likely to turn off the guy who feels wanted more as a producer of offspring than for himself!
  • Sex early on can be risky business. For many a woman it’s likely to pump hormones that bond her emotionally while for a guy it may be just an enjoyable physical release.

Unless we build bridges of understanding millions of men and women in our world will be unhappily alone when they would prefer to be sharing life with a partner.

Appreciating gender difference is key to a great relationship!