Tough on the outside but soft inside?
Given that Yvonne Allen and Associates has assisted thousands of discerning single men and women to meet a potential partner, it is not surprising that our consultants have heard countless stories about promising partnerships that have not really got off the ground – and relationships that ended in disillusion, distress and disappointment. Often our consultants play an important role in helping our clients to recognise that what they’d perceived as a disaster can be a valuable turning point offering opportunities for new beginnings, growth and fulfilment
Because we seek constructive feedback from our clients, our consultants have been in an unusual position to gain insights into reasons why what seems to be a potentially great relationship does not eventuate. Quite often we learn that a client on a first date puts on a front that gets in their way. It was through receiving such feedback we were able to assist Joanne, an attractive, confident, successful woman in her late 30’s, to realise that she had unconsciously created barriers that prevented her from attracting her Mr Right.
Some months after joining one of our program, Joanne came in to discuss her concern that the men she had met through the consultancy thus far were not suitable, even though they fitted the criteria she had provided and were very eligible. It soon became apparent that Joanne did not think the men concerned were appropriate because none of them had called again to arrange a second date with her yet she was keen to see them again. She placed the responsibility for their apparent lack of interest on our selection process rather than it having anything to do with her.
Though taken aback, Joanne was prepared to accept the somewhat painful feedback we’d received from the men concerned that they thought her to be good looking and intelligent but were not attracted because of her rather tough, business persona during the date. The good news is that this feedback prompted Joanne to stop and reflect about herself over the ensuing weeks. She came to realise how as a result of hurts from her past, she had created a protective barrier that worked for her career but was unlikely to appeal to a man seeking a woman to share his life rather than a colleague.
On her next first date through the consultancy, Joanne was prepared to take risks and reveal her less confident, more vulnerable, softer self. To her delight the man concerned told her – and us! – that she was lovely. He knew from her profile that she had a demanding career role, something they did not discuss on their first meeting. He wanted to see her again in the very near future…and he did. As far as we know, their relationship has gone from strength to strength.
Do you hide your ‘self’ behind a protective barrier for fear of being hurt?
If so, you are likely to be surprised at the positive changes you can create in your life and relationships when you let others see and enjoy who you really are!