Two things you NEED to know.
As I was preparing my thoughts when invited to speak to an audience of young women on the topic “Modern Love in the Time of Tinder” I pondered on what those attending that afternoon might actually mean by “modern love” in the first place.
Many of them might even ask the question, “What is love?”
Perhaps I am old fashioned, but when it comes to dating and mating, surely love is love!
But it’s not that simple, is it?
Only a few decades ago, going on a date was special. Before the advent of the internet, it usually required quite some courage for a guy to approach a gal and ask her out.
Given it was likely that she would be someone in his neighborhood or workplace, he risked the embarrassment of being knocked back.
While women flirted, they were less likely to make the first move. All the pressure was on the guy, and she was left a little helpless.
As it could be a long time between drinks, both usually tried to make a good impression. Sex was something likely to be taken slowly, given the potential risks to one’s reputation and the possibility of conception.
These days, however, things have changed!
Regardless of our sex or sexual preference, if we are looking to meet that “special someone” we only need to put some info about ourselves on dating sites online — or tap details into our phones — and almost immediately we are likely to have many possible dates to consider.
If our overtures are rejected, there need be no embarrassment, even if we are disappointed.
While it is much easier to make contact with many potential partners and to date using technology … and either one can readily make the first move … it seems more challenging nowadays to develop a real relationship.
But it’s highly possible that, even with all this opportunity, you keep having dates that look promising but end up nowhere.
This can be very disappointing, especially if you are a woman who has met a guy on Tinder that you found attractive, enjoyed sex with him early on that stimulated your bonding hormones, and then never heard from him again.
You’re not alone if you feel like your encounters of modern love in today’s time of Tinder have also been disappointing.
Maybe you, too, have enjoyed the pleasure of a number of ‘hot’ dates — modern love? — only to have the person concerned cease contact.
However, whatever the outcome, that failure is not the responsibility of the dating site or Tinder.
If your aim is to enjoy more than a casual affair, I suggest that you mention in your profile that you’d like to develop a Tinder friendship that could lead to something more.
Rather than blame the technology for your experiencing brief encounters with sex top of mind, you can take responsibility for your outcome by making it very clear that casual sex isn’t what you are seeking.
There’s a secret ingredient to love: Friendship.
I found it interesting that no one in the audience on the day of my talk mentioned friendship as something that they sought when connecting.
Yet, in reality, no matter how or where we meet, a relationship that is to be founded on real, lasting love (rather than instant attraction or short-term sex) is likely to be one that develops and flourishes over time as we get to know and appreciate each other … even if this before or beyond the first flush of chemistry that leads to love!
Yes, anyone looking for love today can search for — and connect with — countless potential partners through the likes of Tinder or numerous dating sites.
So be sure that, in these times of Tinder, you are clear in your profile what you’re really looking for. And don’t overlook the importance of friendship in favor of hot sex early on.