Why Waiting For LOVE To Make You Happy Is A TERRIBLE Idea

does love make you happy

RomComs are a lie. Believe this instead.

A lot of people think finding a partner is their best chance to be happy.

But if you are single and think your happiness is dependent upon you falling in love, I suggest you change your mind.

After four decades of providing matchmaking and relationship consulting services for thousands of discerning singles, I can assure you of a few simple facts:

1. It is unrealistic to expect someone else to make and keep us happy.

Only we can make the decision to be positive, regardless of the ups and downs we experience in our lives.

To place the responsibility for our happiness on another is likely to leave us feeling insecure…and lonely

2. Appreciating the many positives in our lives  something as simple as stopping and watching a sunset  can make us feel happy.

Something as simple as stopping and watching a sunset or walking along a beach can uplift our spirits, no matter the challenges and disappointments in life.

3. Being unhappy is not likely to attract a potential partner

If you are happy and positive, you are more likely to attract that desired special someone you’d love to have in your life.

4. Smiling is a great start to meeting the right person. 

Not only does it lift our spirits but it is also catching!

The benefits of happiness.

As someone who both personally and professionally appreciates the importance of feeling happy, I have had the good fortune to attend a number of Happiness and its Causes conferences held in Australia.

Although coming from diverse backgrounds, ranging from Tibetan lamas to academic scientists, the speakers always provide a convincing case for being positive no matter how challenging the circumstances.

Not one who has suggested that we place the responsibility on anyone else — including a partner — for ourselves being happy.

There are a lot of benefits to being happy, well beyond just the obvious.

At a recent Happiness conference, significant results from research conducted in the US by Lyubomirski and King provided a convincing rationale for the benefits of looking on the sunny side of life no matter how gray the day.

Based upon these positive outcomes, it would seem that being happy is not only likely to enhance our chances of attracting — but also of keeping — a loving partner.

According to their research:

Happy people…

Are more productive at work and more creative

Make more money and have superior jobs

Are better leaders and negotiators

Are more likely to marry and to have fulfilling marriages and less likely to divorce

Have more friends and social support

Have stronger immune systems, are physically healthier, and even live longer

Are more helpful and philanthropic

Cope better with stress and trauma

So turn that frown upside down!   

Having a positive approach to life, regardless of the challenges, is likely to not only help boost your health, wealth and happiness — but also to increase your chances of finding and keeping love!

Yvonne is an Expert Author and contributor to YourTango

Like to know more? Visit Yvonne Allen’s website or discover her eBooks on Amazon.

How To Find Love In The Time Of Tinder (Psst! It Is Possible)

romance_2

Two things you NEED to know.

As I was preparing my thoughts when invited to speak to an audience of young women on the topic “Modern Love in the Time of Tinder” I pondered on what those attending that afternoon might actually mean by “modern love” in the first place.

Many of them might even ask the question, “What is love?”

Perhaps I am old fashioned, but when it comes to dating and mating, surely love is love!

But it’s not that simple, is it? 

Only a few decades ago, going on a date was special. Before the advent of the internet, it usually required quite some courage for a guy to approach a gal and ask her out.

Given it was likely that she would be someone in his neighborhood or workplace, he risked the embarrassment of being knocked back.

While women flirted, they were less likely to make the first move. All the pressure was on the guy, and she was left a little helpless.

As it could be a long time between drinks, both usually tried to make a good impression. Sex was something likely to be taken slowly, given the potential risks to one’s reputation and the possibility of conception.

These days, however, things have changed!

Regardless of our sex or sexual preference, if we are looking to meet that “special someone” we only need to put some info about ourselves on dating sites online — or tap details into our phones  —  and almost immediately we are likely to have many possible dates to consider.

If our overtures are rejected, there need be no embarrassment, even if we are disappointed.

While it is much easier to make contact with many potential partners and to date using technology … and either one can readily make the first move … it seems more challenging nowadays to develop a real relationship.

But it’s highly possible that, even with all this opportunity, you keep having dates that look promising but end up nowhere.

This can be very disappointing, especially if you are a woman who has met a guy on Tinder that you found attractive, enjoyed sex with him early on that stimulated your bonding hormones, and then never heard from him again.

You’re not alone if you feel like your encounters of modern love in today’s time of Tinder have also been disappointing.

Maybe you, too, have enjoyed the pleasure of a number of ‘hot’ dates — modern love? — only to have the person concerned cease contact.

However, whatever the outcome, that failure is not the responsibility of the dating site or Tinder.

If your aim is to enjoy more than a casual affair, I suggest that you mention in your profile that you’d like to develop a Tinder friendship that could lead to something more.

Rather than blame the technology for your experiencing brief encounters with sex top of mind, you can take responsibility for your outcome by making it very clear that casual sex isn’t what you are seeking.

There’s a secret ingredient to love: Friendship.

I found it interesting that no one in the audience on the day of my talk mentioned friendship as something that they sought when connecting.

Yet, in reality, no matter how or where we meet, a relationship that is to be founded on real, lasting love (rather than instant attraction or short-term sex) is likely to be one that develops and flourishes over time as we get to know and appreciate each other … even if this before or beyond the first flush of chemistry that leads to love!

Yes, anyone looking for love today can search for — and connect with — countless potential partners through the likes of Tinder or numerous dating sites.

So be sure that, in these times of Tinder, you are clear in your profile what you’re really looking for. And don’t overlook the importance of friendship in favor of hot sex early on.

Like to know more? Visit Yvonne Allen’s website or discover her eBooks on Amazon.

Single? Does your ‘wish list’ prevent you from having a great relationship?

So many of can be blind when it comes to recognising a potential Mr/Ms Right!

If you’re on your own when you would prefer to be sharing life with a partner, I suggest that you take time to consider what really matters when it comes that ‘special someone’.  Perhaps, like many discerning singles, you have been   limiting your chances of finding and keeping love for reasons that are worth questioning…such as that they must have a particular interest!

Maybe as for Jane,  a woman who contacted my consultancy recently, by narrowing the field of potential partners you are causing yourself unnecessary and perhaps lasting disappointment. As many a successful lawyer, Jane’s focus has been on her demanding career…at the expense of her personal life.  Now, at the age of 41, she is feeling pressure to have a child before it’s too late. Continue reading

‘Apping’ for love…risky business?

Appy iphones!

SINGLE?  WOULD YOU TAP AN APP TO FIND LOVE?!

Last Friday evening I was interviewed on ABC radio 702 by Robbie Buck.  Our chat followed his discussion with the owner of one of the phone apps recently made available to assist singles on the lookout for love.  A concept initially created for the gay population, this new app alerts a user when another member of the app database is in their vicinity. Continue reading