Beware instant chemistry!
…it can blind us from the potential of a great partnership – and leave us disillusioned and alone!
In this brief video clip from my address to a conference of matchmakers in Florida in March this year, I raise an issue that I’ve referred to in previous insights that is causing a great deal of disappointment for singles seeking love… … the expectation that they will be smitten at first sight when they meet ‘the one’ with whom they will share their life.
Yet all too often this is an expectation of high chemistry at the outset can not only blind us from a potentially great relationship – but also leave us disillusioned and alone.
There is no doubt that sexual attraction is usually an important ingredient of a partnership. However, the rush of hormones that accompanies ‘love at first sight’ is usually more to do with perpetuation of the species than compatibility when it comes to sharing the ups and downs of life.
Indeed, as I have also mentioned previously, experts in the field of love and attraction will go so far as to say that if the instant chemistry is a 9 or 10 it is wise to run the other way!
Lasting chemistry is likely to last comes from a relationship with someone you really care for the more that you get to know them…and from being known and appreciated for who you really are, warts and all!
…if it is not good for her health or her personal life!
Recently there have been a spate of books and items in the press and online encouraging women to be tough and more like a guy when it comes to business. Surely the time has come to question whether the only way we women can succeed if we are ambitious is to behave ‘as if a man’. If we are aiming high, it is important for our well-being that we take conscious steps to take care of our feminine essence!
There is no doubt that the focus of we women on achieving ‘as if a man’ is having serious consequences for many on our physical and psychological well-being – and our personal life – be we single or partnered.Today, taking antidepressants seems to have become almost as common and accepted as the daily dose of vitamins. Delaying having children – often until too late- is but another of the distressing potential consequences for many a woman whose aim is “to make it to the top”.
There is no doubt that stress is a very destructive, constant companion in the life of millions of woman today. Alarming – and mounting – evidence includes women as young as 30 now having heart attacks. Yet constant stress is not a surprising outcome if we women pump testosterone and cortisol as we strive to meet the demands of our careers. It is also no wonder that so many successful yet ‘manly’ women can find it very difficult to conceive – and if they do, to miscarry.
Over my many years as a matchmaker I have consulted a large number of single women who have succeeded at work at the expense of their personal life All too often I have heard a woman at the top of her career wonder why she is alone when she would prefer to be sharing life with a great guy. Alas, while her achievements and independence may be respected by the type of man she seeks, all too often the feminine attributes he desires in the woman have not been apparent in her!
Take time out each day to take care of the woman you are – and make sure that the strength of your feminine essence shines through as you live each day!
Meeting more than once can have many benefits!
This is not what I had imagined!
After talking with thousands of men and women about their frustrations when dating,
it would seem that many a potentially great relationship ended before it had a chance to
begin. All too often it seems that a first date is viewed as determining whether ‘it is on, or
not on’ rather than an opportunity for many possibilities – including the potential it holds for
romance and love.
As a matchmaker I always encourage clients to go on at least two dates realising that
there are many things to gain from doing so such as…
* developing a potential friendship * having the opportunity to practice dating skills
* increasing confidence in sustaining a conversation beyond a first encounter
* gaining insights into our real needs and expectations when it comes to a partner
* realising that initial judgements can be wrong
* discovering there are more things you appreciate as you get to know each other beyond the pressures of initial encounters
* sharing activities that you both enjoy yet do not want to do alone
* opening up new networks of friends for each other…which could include that special someone’ you would love to meet
Instead of having expectations – or looking for ‘what is not there’ when meeting someone for the first time – why not focus on what you appreciate in the person who has agreed to meet you. You may be pleasantly surprised by the possibilities this opens in you life.
Tough on the outside but soft inside?
You can’t hurt me!
Given that Yvonne Allen and Associates has assisted thousands of discerning single men and women to meet a potential partner, it is not surprising that our consultants have heard countless stories about promising partnerships that have not really got off the ground – and relationships that ended in disillusion, distress and disappointment. Often our consultants play an important role in helping our clients to recognise that what they’d perceived as a disaster can be a valuable turning point offering opportunities for new beginnings, growth and fulfilment Continue reading
As my partner and I travel through Europe it would seem that the topic of gay marriage is universally controversial. Yet in every country we visit and place we stay there are same sex couples who are obviously sharing life in a loving relationship. As I have discussed in previous blogs, the fact that two people who love each other want to make a public statement of their commitment to each other is surely something to encourage and respect, regardless of their sexual preference. Continue reading