Why Reality TV Shows Are The Worst Place To Look For Lasting Love

do reality tv relationships last

Why relationships found on shows like ‘The Bachelor’ almost never succeed.

While many guys and gals are game to expose their desire for love —  and more —  to an audience of potentially millions, it seems that very few actually meet their match on television shows like The Bachelor.

As a relationship mentor and psychologist and matchmaker for many years, this comes as no surprise.

Because unfortunately, it would seem that the meaning of commitment and marriage has been lost in translation.

From my brief experience being considered as a potential ‘expert’ for one of the early ‘meet your match and marry’ shows, I know that the focus then was not on likely compatibility. The aim was to attract and hold the attention and interest of a large viewing audience.

Where I perceived an obvious ‘mismatch’, those selecting saw rating and dollar signs $$.

Unfortunately, this seems to be even more the case these days, especially when couples are expected to meet, wed, and bed in front of a camera in fewer than 24 hours.

For those participants who genuinely attempt to make a relationship work in front of a camera, it must be very disappointing if they fail to do so. Yet to have so-called ‘intimacy’ knowing it is entertainment for all the world to see must be almost mission impossible.

Commitment to marriage is a major decision in anyone’s life, even for compatible couples who have dated and shared a breadth of life experiences together over many months —  if not years.

Surely it should come as no surprise that only one of the couples wed immediately after being introduced on a popular television show in Australia has chosen to stay together thus far.

Indeed, from my point of view, their compatibility and commitment are more likely due to chance rather than any expertise of those involved in bringing them together.

Unfortunately, these days I think that there is deliberate mismatching of some, if not all, of the couples in such shows in order to create interest and drama.

However, even if potentially compatible, the extreme pressure of initiating and attempting to develop intimacy in a new relationship for all to see must dramatically reduce its likelihood of lasting.

Currently, in some “meet your match” shows, unlikely candidates for living happily-ever-after are expected after but a few hours to share a bed with a camera for the company, and for all the world to see.

What is amazing is that those participating are already aware that this is likely to be their experience if chosen.

If you are game and seek fame rather than lasting love, revealing your talent —  and more —  on such a show could be a fun way to go.

While you may expose your body, I suggest you protect your heart.

 

Why Waiting For LOVE To Make You Happy Is A TERRIBLE Idea

does love make you happy

RomComs are a lie. Believe this instead.

A lot of people think finding a partner is their best chance to be happy.

But if you are single and think your happiness is dependent upon you falling in love, I suggest you change your mind.

After four decades of providing matchmaking and relationship consulting services for thousands of discerning singles, I can assure you of a few simple facts:

1. It is unrealistic to expect someone else to make and keep us happy.

Only we can make the decision to be positive, regardless of the ups and downs we experience in our lives.

To place the responsibility for our happiness on another is likely to leave us feeling insecure…and lonely

2. Appreciating the many positives in our lives  something as simple as stopping and watching a sunset  can make us feel happy.

Something as simple as stopping and watching a sunset or walking along a beach can uplift our spirits, no matter the challenges and disappointments in life.

3. Being unhappy is not likely to attract a potential partner

If you are happy and positive, you are more likely to attract that desired special someone you’d love to have in your life.

4. Smiling is a great start to meeting the right person. 

Not only does it lift our spirits but it is also catching!

The benefits of happiness.

As someone who both personally and professionally appreciates the importance of feeling happy, I have had the good fortune to attend a number of Happiness and its Causes conferences held in Australia.

Although coming from diverse backgrounds, ranging from Tibetan lamas to academic scientists, the speakers always provide a convincing case for being positive no matter how challenging the circumstances.

Not one who has suggested that we place the responsibility on anyone else — including a partner — for ourselves being happy.

There are a lot of benefits to being happy, well beyond just the obvious.

At a recent Happiness conference, significant results from research conducted in the US by Lyubomirski and King provided a convincing rationale for the benefits of looking on the sunny side of life no matter how gray the day.

Based upon these positive outcomes, it would seem that being happy is not only likely to enhance our chances of attracting — but also of keeping — a loving partner.

According to their research:

Happy people…

Are more productive at work and more creative

Make more money and have superior jobs

Are better leaders and negotiators

Are more likely to marry and to have fulfilling marriages and less likely to divorce

Have more friends and social support

Have stronger immune systems, are physically healthier, and even live longer

Are more helpful and philanthropic

Cope better with stress and trauma

So turn that frown upside down!   

Having a positive approach to life, regardless of the challenges, is likely to not only help boost your health, wealth and happiness — but also to increase your chances of finding and keeping love!

Yvonne is an Expert Author and contributor to YourTango

Like to know more? Visit Yvonne Allen’s website or discover her eBooks on Amazon.

Some dos and don’ts when dating a woman with a career!

A successful woman

As a matchmaker I have often heard single men say that they find it difficult to know if a woman who works in a business or professional role is interested or available…even after a first date. It seems that the supposedly innate flirting response has gone missing! Unfortunately, this is not surprising given that these days many women who have demanding careers conceal their softer, more feminine attributes as they strive to achieve.

When you have an initial date with a woman with a demanding career, I strongly recommend avoiding conversations to do with her work…it will prevent her from relaxing. Topics of conversations about common interests such as travel, movies, sport or music can help you to both to be at ease.  Activities such as visiting an art gallery after a morning coffee then sharing lunch,  or walking in the botanical gardens or along a beach while chatting can help to bring her feminine self to the fore.

If you arrange to meet after work, be aware that the demands of her day may have left her stressed and needing to unwind. Talking about topics unrelated to work over a glass of wine or dinner will help her to enjoy the moment and boost her feel good hormones!

Be aware that the tendency these days for women to focus ‘as if a man’ can conceal feminine attributes that you can help to flourish as you get to know each other. It is worthwhile having a second date unless there is no likelihood of friendship which is the basis of any potential relationship.

Don’t assume she isn’t interested in seeing you again unless she says so.

Do focus on enjoying being in the present.

Don’t look for what is missing at the outset

If you have enjoyed your time together, do let her know that you will contact her within a few days …and do so!

 

Challenges women have in the dating scene today

Challenges

Once upon a time – only decades ago – most women assumed they’d marry…and did. These days, in the western world, a gal can achieve in most areas of life that were once the preserve of the male. Given the appropriate education and experience she can fly to the moon, head large corporations or lead her country. However, for many millions of women who want to attract and keep their Mr Right, the chances of doing so are increasingly bleak.

As a woman who founded my consultancy in Australia in 1976 for discerning singles seeking a partner, I have been in an unusual position to both witness and experience many of the  ever increasing challenges women with careers can have finding – and keeping – love. It seems that the more a woman focuses on achieving, the harder it can be for her to attract her ‘Mr Right’. All too often the stress of a demanding work role, often combined with a long list of expectations re the man she seeks – including that he be at least as successful as she is – can leave her on a crowded shelf.

It would seem that most guys do not have nearly as many items on their wish list re a potential partner. For many it is important that she is intelligent, he finds her attractive and that she makes him feel like her man. Unfortunately, in order to achieve, many a woman today does not readily reveal her more vulnerable, softer self – the femininity that for millennia has attracted the ‘protector’ and ‘provider’ in a man.

Alas, all too often, the Mr Right a woman seeks is not looking for her!

 

 

Communication is key to a great relationship!

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Recently I sent the following letter to the editor of the Australian in response to an article by Bettina Arndt re international research that has revealed a dramatic change over recent decades in women’s interest in sex.

Bettina Arndt’s report re the increasing lack of desire for sex in many women does not surprise me. As as matchmaker since 1976 and also as a psychologist and relationship mentor, I have spoken to thousands of singles and couples about the increasing challenges to their enjoying a mutually rewarding sex life. Four decades ago it all seemed much simpler to achieve.

Today the majority of women work and have many more stressors in their lives – meeting the needs and expectations of their partner when it comes to sex being one. While for most guys, sex release is simple and straightforward, for a woman who is low in feel good hormone, it can be but another item on her list of ‘to dos’.

Communication and appreciating differences between the sexes when it comes to being sexually satisfied is key to enjoying a mutually rewarding sex life. For many a woman oxytocins, her feel good hormones, often need to reboot though simple pleasures such as touch and talk for her to really enjoy sex while her partner is more likely to be focused on orgasm.

Like most of the challenges we experience when it comes to living successfully together as men and women today, realising that our needs and expectations may differ is the basis on which to find mutually rewarding fulfillment.